In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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