youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
