I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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