if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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