On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
