Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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