It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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