But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
