i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
