i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
