No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
