Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Randomize
