You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
