what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
