She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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