i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
