I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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