pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Someone shit on the floor
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
