Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
