I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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