she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
