we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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