it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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