If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
