you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
