my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
