Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
