why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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