During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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