I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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