He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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