I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
