Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
