toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
