So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
