I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
