I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
