Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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