I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
