CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
