my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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