If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
