I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
