you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
