officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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