You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
