I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
