I want to have your abortion
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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