dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im holly from the hills drunk
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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