Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
