I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
